Well...yet again I'm called to speak on either Mother's Day or Father's Day. This has been a constant in my life since the mission. Three years straight! Not that I'm complaining...... a lot.....haha <---- Joke--- For those of you who need joke clarification haha <----Joke too----. But its getting pretty crazy. How much can you really say about the subject? Well turns out there is plenty. So here it is! Well some of it. It's all based off the talk by Jefferey R. Holland entitled, Place No More for the Enemy of My Soul.
You remember the talk.... He started by talking about three women who approached him in an airport, who all had failed marriages due to infidelity.
I feel, first, to say the same thing Elder Holland said when he quoted Jacob. “It grieveth me that I must use so much boldness of speech … before … many … whose feelings are exceedingly tender and chaste and delicate.” 1 But bold we need to be. It is challenging for me to talk about these things, not just pornagraphy which ruined these marriages, but things I see amongst us single-folk as well.
I'll spend a minute on pornagraphy. It is nothing. It will grab you, and destroy you. It yields no fruit, no progress, nothing of any value and if you really want, it can leave you single and miserable for all time. Because I garuantee no person, male or female, headed toward the celestial kingdom will wait for someone bound by this sin, who cannot let go.
The thing is is I don't want to necessarily address pornagraphy and its vices. But there are some things I do want to address that are more common around us (BYU kids). And then I'll talk about some better things.
Particularly this is even harder for me to talk about on Mother's day.
Fidelity is huge. The best way to prepare ourselves for a lasting marriage…is being comfortable with being alone. If we, by ourselves, are ok, we are keeping the commandments, being productive, doing missionary work, then really we are preparing to be the spouse we want to be. We cannot expect that someone will come in and change us and fill the gaps. We can’t expect that at all. Besides, fidelity in a marriage is what you do when your husband or wife is not around as well as when they are around. I would also like to echo the words of Lynn Robbins at stake conference, when he said, “If a person cheats on you in anyway, before or after being married, how can you ever trust it won’t happen again.” He especially hinted toward before being married, since that is the stage we are at in life.
It’s the fact of becoming as the Lord is. Joseph Smith said, “If He walks a straight path, you have to walk a straight path. If He endures all pain, you have to endure all pain.”
To put it bluntly, I want to share with you something I hold dear to my heart. When I was first called to be a district leader I got to meet Elder Mervn B. Arnold of the Seventy. After spending some time with him and seeing some of the things he did, we found out in a very real way that he is called of God. His voice still echoes in my ears. I don't know what its like to live with a army general but I can imagine it would be pretty much like the hour or so me and some other district leaders and zone leaders got at 7am on the day of zone conference. I got there thirty minutes early. Went into the high council and sat there silently. When he walked into the room there was silence. 15 til 7 he shut the doors and didn't let many in after that. We began with prayer. When it was over, he stood up and in a way I'll never forget started talking about the women in the church and the women in our lives and who would eventually be in our lives. He was loud, firm, and pounded the table in front of him. I'll never forget what he said, he looked up, didn't look at any one of us, his face sort of quivered and got teary eyed, and with his most raised voice of the day said, "ELDER'S IF YOU DON'T LIKE A GIRL, YOU DON'T TOUCH HER!" He hit that table so hard, I was scared to death. I knew that he meant though, you don't touch them, not in any way, big or small. He coupled that with some other admonitions, some other really amazing stories and we closed.
Part of the design world is when you design something, there is clear message about your product and its purpose. I mean what if you had a hair dryer that looked like a refrigerator? Or better yet...and more practically speaking a door handle where you don't know whether to push or pull? I hate that. Then apply that to something that really matters...relationships and tender feelings...and then, whoaaa, playing with some serious things. Fidelity is that idea.
Which brings me to my next point. I play basketball. My favorite hoops movie is White Man Can't Jump. Something about the 90's and basketball just seems so much better than basketball now. Basketball was fresh then and just becoming what it is today. Ok. So there is a good quote at the end...The white guy is like..."Listen I got a good jumper." His black friend was like, "You can say you have a lot of things when you dont...like you can't put a cat in the oven and call it a biscuit." We can't keep saying we have something when we don't.
That's the point of this talk is how we should treat eachother. The Spirit of Mother's Day is honouring women. Especially those who have given themselves to loving and nuturing us growing up.
It was actually my Dad that taught me how to honour women. I shared this story last year, but however this is a new crowd...so whatever. If you know me well...I like to be different...I like to think outside the box. Do new things...be fresh...like the fresh Prince? no? OK...sometimes I think I'm th fresh Prince... Don't hate. SO. My first valentine's day home we are fixing up what my Dad calls "Border Bowls"...I dunno its like...fajita chicken resting on a bed of chips, with all the fix'ns... he says its something from Taco Bell...I dunno...its delicious though. So he's chopping things and he's like, "Jake I haven't got flowers yet. Here is some money go buy Mom something nice." So what goes through my mind? Oh here's my chance...let's be creative! I like to think that's a good thing I have going for me. Anyway...so I got to the store and get this chill like tulip thing with this nice glass vas. It was so nice super designy. So I bought it...I'm bringing it home...I've never seen my Dad so mad....he said, "NO. You go and get a two dozen roses right now! Are you kidding me Jacob?" That's how I know my Dad is mad...I become Jacob and not Jake. So he hands me more money and kicks me out the door. Almost literally.
I learned something that day. Of course roses are the correct choice. The flower that shows love in the best way and shows the most respect. I've never felt more embarassed. My stupid yet edgey tulip there next to this barage of roses, sitting there majestically.
That was a huge lesson for me. I feel like my Dad's generation is so much better than mine. My Father is the one I look to for stability, my Mother as well...but Dad's common sense way of seeing everything is the best. He always has the best way of saying things. Mom is just good at being the comfort...Dad will just say...Yea or Nay...and is almost always right. He'll just cut it...whether or not its what I want to hear. haha Love it.
But instead of talking about the bad...I want to talk about all that is good. Then we can shoot for that."It's better to shoot for the moon and hit the roof than shoot for the roof and hit the garbage can." One of my favorite mission quotes.
Well...that's that...the rest is quotes from my parents about their marriage...which are pretty funny. You have to be in Sacrament meeting to hear it. I feel like some who read my blog are too close to my parents and they don't need to hear this stuff...but BYU students...probably won't meet my parents ever...so they get some great things. Love it! I was thinking about including a quote from my dear Mom...who deserves more than just one day of celebration...but nah. This should suffice...I might add more when I read this again. But...yep! Much love Mother's!!! <3