Friday, February 8, 2013

Soft voice...loving touch...

HOT MEAL!!! And not microwave hot either...we are talking stove cooked or crock pot.


Kidding...but a good way to start a blog. You are captured, admit it. So this is a quicky but a goody.

I feel like on my list of things all girls should have is a soft voice. We were conversing and we have all agreed on a girl who is quite beautiful. Only one of us has heard her voice though. She is a consesus hunny, but the one that has heard her speak voted out because she had a smokers voice. Just John Wayne stuff. Louis Armstrong. James Earl Jones. Sometimes girls come in with that crackling voice and it's scarey. Like a permanent rasp. That's unfortunate. You just don't want that in a woman.  It's rare that a girl doesn't have a pretty voice.

But really. That and really loud laughing. A girl needs a good laugh. If she comes out cackeling, it's no good. I can't tell you how annoying loud laughing is, but really. Nothing is less attractive to me then a girl laughing obnoxiously loud. I heard a girl laughing through the ceiling the other day. And I said no. Too loud. I couldn't find my ear buds fast enough. Knives. Knives to my ears. Shut up with one is that funny. Especially....well I'll stop there....  I also hate when it's fake. It makes me want to punch babies, just ginger babies. That's the devil's water...take a drink and your thrist ain't quenched.

Finally. Girl comedians. Not funny.

(Ladies calm down. If a guy has a squeaky's all over. Fortunately, I can count on my hand the number of people with this sad dissorder.)

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

New blog man...It's called...the door step scene.

Hold the applause and drop your draws! Here it comes...the door step scene. Eternally awkward. Eternally constant. Sometimes not awkward...which will not be this MY FIFTIETH BLOG POSTTTTTSSSSSSSTTTTTTTTTTSSSTTSSTTTSSS S T S T S T TTTTTT SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS               S. 50.

Now this will be a compilation blog, because it is me compiling two or more blogs into one singular blog. Don't worry though, there will be a page break.

I have been on a number of dates recently and so have my roommates. More often then not the door step scene comes up.

We always think this is going to be awkward. A sudden rush of blood pressure, heart rate picks up, the whole sweat that comes when your brain is on fire, know what I mean? When you start sweating and you are like....well that's not cool, I haven't been jumping rope, but your face is so red it needs cooling. Shooooot. Slow down girl---Uncle Drew quote...easy...

So yeah...I'm gonna talk about it, because you all have already talked about it in your homes. Hitch got it all wrong. What girl fiddles with her keys? Weee-heh-eeee eeeeee need to talk about what really goes on.

From what I know about guys, they use the door step scene as the talking-about-things moment. Granted they actually have something intelligent to say. Which is more rare than one might think. Generally speaking, ladies, you have 1 to 2 dates before getting some kind of knowledge from the guy at the door step. If you have made it to date 3 without That just seems to be the culture... He wants to know whats happening and I assume you do too. Here are some situations that we often see.

There is the newb. The newbs just get to the end of the date and are like...(in monotone grunts of course) duh I had a good time see yuhhh.

There is girl that freaks at the door hugs and runs in before anything sketchy can go down. She doesn't want awkwardness in her life but always wants the Disney moment. Huh.

There is the girl that hugs before the door, gives the thank you 10 minutes before and takes off. I don't honestly know what that's about.

There is the linger-too-longer. This is where you and the girl are just shooting the breeze on the door step and finally she is just like, ok I'm done. Especially, when the guy is fumbling around with his words and not really saying anything. I can recall a couple like that. I wasn't saying anything worth while. HOWEVER! I have had some great linger longers. You know what I'm talking about.

There is the hand-on-the-handle. This is where the girl has probably had a terrible date and just stands there with her hand on the door handle kinda half turned to you and other half focused on slowly turning the handle until you have said your piece. Well, that sucks, for the guy anyway.

There is the smile-and-nod-until-you-leave-and-say-bye-18-times one.. The girl is 100% agreeable, but probably isn't listening. -- MID-BLOG CONVO BREAK (the girl will be the one with exclamation points, guy with the periods...go) -- We should do this again. Sounds good! bye! I had a great time. Me too! bye! I love you. Uh huh! bye! You look like an ostriche. Thank you! Bye! --OVER-- I hope you read it at the speed of light because that's typically how fast they go....See.... right there is where the girl psyche makes no sense to me.

There is the mutual disappointment. You both know that nothing is going beyond this and you are both like...psh....see ya in the eternities, maybe. Usually on the first date.

I pretty much want to come up with creative solutions to remedy the situation. Maybe dropping a girl of at her window. Or giving her a ladder to get to her balcony. I actually really like the idea of having small cups of ice cream waiting at the door when your date it you can talk while enjoying a tastey frozen treat.

I say all this in good comedy, because it's just funny. That's all. Just funny things.