Saturday, November 9, 2013

How to live? 1st thought at an answer.

Sometimes we have to be vulnerable. I don't like it. Some people hold their cards close to their chest and I don’t feel that's the way to do things. 

I could be wrong. Maybe holding things close to the chest isn't all that bad. There is something to be said about that. Not sure what, protection maybe? Strength? Definitely. Different blog, different day. 

Some of my most precious memories come from showing unrestricted emotions towards a person. Actions and words use to combine into something. I can get behind that. Since I've been home from my mission communication between my parents and sibling has strengthened greatly as I have learned to be open and make sure that I tell them I love them verbally. It carries with it a power beyond what I know. My mission taught me that and I will continue that throughout my life. 

If I love you, I'll tell you. 

Being slow to act is mostly the best to me. Some things require quick, immediate attention, but I have found that most matters can be well taken care of without quick blasts. 

We all have time. Plenty of it to take care of things.  

But on the inverse. 

I just put myself out there it's probably why I get stomped on sometimes. I mean. I look at myself and I'm like well shoot jake all your thoughts are on the chopping block. And I don't really realize that's what I'm doing. I'm just going on pure emotion. I just say it because I want my heart cleared. I don't realize that by doing that my heart is out there to be destroyed, which it has been as I awkwardly tilt, twirl and stumble through this thing called life. 

All the while never noticing I put myself in that position. You roll the dice you pay the price. Just this isn't a gamble with money. 

It's something more real.

I just look back at my position and think "man, this sucks and I just keep putting myself out there". I mean. Maybe there is vulnerability and just straight stupidity. 

But in my head I just think "no, just keep giving ang giving and get more and more trampled" til I'm like "okayyyyy i give up". 

That's how I deal with life. Everyone this is me taking a bow. You've been a great audience. 

A great friend said to me, “Could it get any worse? You've probably hit the bottom by now." Nice... 

I'm the type of person that was the child that burnt his hand on the stove. Parents told me don't do that again, that burns huh? But I'm like, no. I'm going to keep touching that burner until it knows exactly how I feel! Getting burned everytime, further deepening the burnt tissue. 

That's nice imagery. Thats how I deal with life. To this point it has been okay. 

I mean, I don’t have any stress fractures or blood clots.

Separate thought. I think sometimes we just look for stuff to hate in people. I’m even bad at this, without even knowing. The other day I thought, “What if my children like such and such a thing? Will I be mad at them? Would I hate my own kids for enjoying something I don’t feel attached to?” 

Maybe that’s too harsh of an example, but I don’t think so. In the deep parts of our mind maybe in order to keep ourselves straight we should have some worse case scenarios. 

I also wonder what is the phenomena that hangs over a person to pull the unwanted, probably unmerited thoughts of others.

It’s something I’m working on. 

I never know what has acted on people to make them the way that they are. That’s one thing I’ve learned in my….recent years….I was going to old age……but like well yeah

I think a lot of things would be settled if we just look at the future. Burning bridges and wot not.

Because underneath it all, I like to believe that we are all reasonable people. 

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