Rufio! Rufio! Ru-Fi-Ooooooo!!!!

It's a rainy day. I just ate a huge burrito. There are some things I just want to get down and roll out. 

Rufio is the best band in the whole darn world. Sorry. Kidding. My apologies to Led Zep, Beach Boys, Elvis...etc...

But they have a song called What You Wanna Hear. Its often time what I think about. Because, again this is what my blog is about, the inner workings of a boys mind. 

Well the toughness still, in a moment turns real life.
I struggle through my mind
But still have no words to say how I
Just know it could be right,
But now I've got an answer in the light
the moment passed me by.

If only I could think of what you wanna hear,
I can get a grip or or my life's over.
Now believe, I see how much you mean to me.
Think about the moment, look me in the eye,
Tell me that you want to give it a try,
And your make believe could be our reality.

Soooo sick. I mean sooo sick...soooo




I shared it! Again excellent CD. They've come a long way from their first album.

I've seen the Office...I know how this ends.

Here we are. Back. Back in the flesh. Back in the saddle. That unruly stead of life, always bucking and turning and bucking. Turning like the tide. Roll tide. Like a hurricane. Like a freight train coming toward ya at the speed of life. Electric word life, that means forever and that's a mighty long time. Time keeps slipping into the future. Further seems forever. Forever young, I want to be forever young. Hot like wasabi when I bust rhymes.....that's enough of that.

Basically here's how it rolls, it's my senior year at the Y. What the freak?! It's coming in hot too. Like a comet running off course, but then on the course of my life. It's all too much to handle. I don't have the guaranteed ring that comes with admission to this prestigious school. It's probably my bad. Be that as it may I must move on.

I must speak the words of my heart. I must speak.

I hate losing. There is always someone we think we shouldn't lose to. Hopefully, that's satan. Or Roy.

But on a more personal more worldly note, I always end up comparing myself to others. Not that its something I want to do, but its something that happens quite a little bit. And in my mixed up sense of pride I conjure up people who I think I should always beat out. Maybe they think they should beat me. Maybe I just don't like the person. Regardless, I've learned to just stick to my guns, glory in the triumphs of my brethren, however, not giving up on my own dreams and happiness.

Remember....

Eventually, Jim got Pam. Eventually, all that is right in the world becomes right in our world.

Did your heart not sing when Jim finally asked Pam out?? That's a joy I hope everyone feels.

I have met a lot of Pam's though.

I have also learned the past couple of months to not be afraid to mess up. There are two kinds of people in this life. People who are afraid to be wrong and people who would rather mess up a million times to have some truth. With one, sure you are never wrong about anything because you never accept anything, and with the other you end up having to accept things that aren't total truths or maybe you have to accept some falsehoods but in the end have the opportunity to know what is real.

But live life. We have to be wrong and right. We have to fail and get up.

It will all come together.

I've seen the Office, I know how this turns out. Eventually, the girl/guy sees what he could have and sees what is truly real.

May I be blessed with such foresight, keep my goals in sight, and plant my best foot forward. I mean, it's my last year here.

The vision.

So yeah. Lets clear some things up. Um. One. Some people think I'm marriage hungry.

Let me be clear on this. I have been on this earth nigh unto 26 years. I'm fine. In fact maybe better than fine. If love strikes my life and things take off, cool. But if not, my faith is in God. My faith is in The Lord God and His plan. There. I'm just being me and doing me. I'm not sitting back and doing nothing. Double negative. And if that stops you there. You should not be reading. My blog because. I do. Not use proper grammar.

People think I'm a woman hater. Haha. I will not dignify that with a comment.

So I'm writing my first post on my iPhone. It's not bad. Just long. It takes a while.

Ok. So I've been thinking about things. My blog is normally about love and I will not stray from that tonight. I'm in the middle of watching a movie with my ward, and I'm sitting next to my apartment, not exactly what I want. There are a couple of people I would rather be by but I suck and am not courageous enough to change my situation. Um. Let me begin. Or rebegin.

Made a new word there.

George Feeny calls love the greatest mystery to ever be among mankind. I feel it a privilege to spend time around it and comment on things I notice.

There is a thing I think I have. Maybe I don't have it. Maybe I'm making it up. I can tell when two people are really good for each other. Seriously now. I can tell. I'm looking around tonight. And I can see some couples and some not couples that I can tell would work. Ones who have the stuff it takes.

I don't even know how I know. It's a feeling. I don't even know what it's good for. Not much that's for sure. Because I've tried telling people about it. Sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't. Three "couples" are around me right now. They aren't dating but should be. It's an interesting thing.

I don't know where I'm going with it either. Only to say look around at people. When you are it, to me, it is a way of knowing that love actually exists. There are those that say it doesn't, but it does.

As an outside observer what I think stops these couples from moving forward is fear. Fear of hurt. It's better to have loved and lost, trust me. Still paying for it.

So maybe not my best post. But it's interesting to see the various stages. Some married, some engaged, some dating, some who should be and then some, like myself, who sit next to his roomies against his will. It is what it is.

Enjoy this blog. Or don't. I can't stop you. Has pop tarts returned? I don't know the material is hard to write anymore. Haha.

Fear Number 2.

So hear is the next in a list of dumb fears.

Well. This one is always something I'm always thinking about. And when I say that I'm thinking about them, I mean I'm hardly ever thinking about them.

2. A door opening and hitting me in the face.

Or vice versa. Like. Imagine, if you will, a door that opens out and accessible from both sides. People are going in and out fairly fast. I need to go in. Is there someone coming out??? I dunno. I can't see through wood. I go to open it. I don't hear the person on the otherside. BAM. Has it ever happened before? No. But it's real. Worse case scenario, I die. Best case scenario, we both stop before we know what's happening (the usual). Middle case scenario, I get my hand blasted by the door knob. Think about it.

It's real.

My biggest fears.

Well. As you well know, everyone has fears. Some greater than others. It's just that I have been accumulating worst fears for quite some time now. Like and I'm not talking about whacked out fears that will never happen. For example, a T-Rex coming to eat you just because you watched Jurassic Park 2 at the midnight showing at age 13. That's ridiculous. Or like those whacky people who freak out at the sight of yogurt.........I watched Maury Povich once and yeah, some lady freaked out at the sight of yogurt. One lady freaked out about making right turns in her car, she only made left turns.... Think about the emissions? You thought it was factories destroying the O-Zone causing global warming??? Wrong! It's left hand turn ladies of the world working their funky routes.
Sorry. Back to it.

Some guy was really really afraid of like squirrels or birds or something. I can understand birds because, son of b, they could poop on you at anytime (happened my first month on my mission). OR the whole group of them could just turn on you like a herd of pack hunting raptors....

Anyway, it's possible.

I'm talking the possible fears of my life. I have developed them over some time and I think they are unique, super unique and I will post them as they come. I call it Jake's Fear collection.

1. Hitting a person in with a car.

So the other night I'm driving around in my roommates car. I was only going to and from campus. It was cold. My windows got a smidge foggy. Suddenly, the fear cropped up. It stems from me driving without my glasses back in the day. I'm not saying that I will hit someone I don't see. I'm talking about a brave soul who thinks he or she can make it across the street before my vehicle comes barreling through and all I see is a blur that comes into the corner of my eye and just catches the corner of my front bumper and goes flying through the air. Remember, it's night time. So he just barely makes it into my headlights, terribly misjudging the run across the street and bam!

It had me checking the sidewalks for a mile. Some stupid dude sweeping in like those dumb birds. How they just decide to take off and sweep in front of cars to birdy fun. Then there's that one bird thinks he's the hot shot and doesn't time it right taking a tumble under the car, sending feathers and beaks everywhere.

Idiot.

Night driving without my glasses is a breeze, my eyes can make out most things. It's just when something impairs my vision, like foggy glass, more than my vision is already impaired, that's when things get freaky. Yeah. It's easy to mistake a shadow for a running man. Anyway. Enough information has been given.

As to not take away from my other fears, I'm going to post them one at a time for individual evaluation.

Soft voice...loving touch...

HOT MEAL!!! And not microwave hot either...we are talking stove cooked or crock pot.

Fair.

Kidding...but a good way to start a blog. You are captured, admit it. So this is a quicky but a goody.

I feel like on my list of things all girls should have is a soft voice. We were conversing and we have all agreed on a girl who is quite beautiful. Only one of us has heard her voice though. She is a consesus hunny, but the one that has heard her speak voted out because she had a smokers voice. Just John Wayne stuff. Louis Armstrong. James Earl Jones. Sometimes girls come in with that crackling voice and it's scarey. Like a permanent rasp. That's unfortunate. You just don't want that in a woman.  It's rare that a girl doesn't have a pretty voice.

But really. That and really loud laughing. A girl needs a good laugh. If she comes out cackeling, it's no good. I can't tell you how annoying loud laughing is, but really. Nothing is less attractive to me then a girl laughing obnoxiously loud. I heard a girl laughing through the ceiling the other day. And I said no. Too loud. I couldn't find my ear buds fast enough. Knives. Knives to my ears. Shut up with yourself...no one is that funny. Especially....well I'll stop there....  I also hate when it's fake. It makes me want to punch babies, just ginger babies. That's the devil's water...take a drink and your thrist ain't quenched.

Finally. Girl comedians. Not funny.

(Ladies calm down. If a guy has a squeaky voice...it's all over. Fortunately, I can count on my hand the number of people with this sad dissorder.)

New blog man...It's called...the door step scene.

Hold the applause and drop your draws! Here it comes...the door step scene. Eternally awkward. Eternally constant. Sometimes not awkward...which will not be covered...in this MY FIFTIETH BLOG POSTTTTTSSSSSSSTTTTTTTTTTSSSTTSSTTTSSS S T S T S T TTTTTT SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS               S. 50.

Now this will be a compilation blog, because it is me compiling two or more blogs into one singular blog. Don't worry though, there will be a page break.

I have been on a number of dates recently and so have my roommates. More often then not the door step scene comes up.

We always think this is going to be awkward. A sudden rush of blood pressure, heart rate picks up, the whole sweat that comes when your brain is on fire, like...you know what I mean? When you start sweating and you are like....well that's not cool, I haven't been jumping rope, but your face is so red it needs cooling. Shooooot. Slow down girl---Uncle Drew quote...easy...

So yeah...I'm gonna talk about it, because you all have already talked about it in your homes. Hitch got it all wrong. What girl fiddles with her keys? Weee-heh-eeee eeeeee need to talk about what really goes on.

From what I know about guys, they use the door step scene as the talking-about-things moment. Granted they actually have something intelligent to say. Which is more rare than one might think. Generally speaking, ladies, you have 1 to 2 dates before getting some kind of knowledge from the guy at the door step. If you have made it to date 3 without anything....um....how? That just seems to be the culture... He wants to know whats happening and I assume you do too. Here are some situations that we often see.

There is the newb. The newbs just get to the end of the date and are like...(in monotone grunts of course) duh I had a good time see yuhhh.

There is girl that freaks at the door hugs and runs in before anything sketchy can go down. She doesn't want awkwardness in her life but always wants the Disney moment. Huh.

There is the girl that hugs before the door, gives the thank you 10 minutes before and takes off. I don't honestly know what that's about.

There is the linger-too-longer. This is where you and the girl are just shooting the breeze on the door step and finally she is just like, ok I'm done. Especially, when the guy is fumbling around with his words and not really saying anything. I can recall a couple like that. I wasn't saying anything worth while. HOWEVER! I have had some great linger longers. You know what I'm talking about.

There is the hand-on-the-handle. This is where the girl has probably had a terrible date and just stands there with her hand on the door handle kinda half turned to you and other half focused on slowly turning the handle until you have said your piece. Well, that sucks, for the guy anyway.

There is the smile-and-nod-until-you-leave-and-say-bye-18-times one.. The girl is 100% agreeable, but probably isn't listening. -- MID-BLOG CONVO BREAK (the girl will be the one with exclamation points, guy with the periods...go) -- We should do this again. Sounds good! bye! I had a great time. Me too! bye! I love you. Uh huh! bye! You look like an ostriche. Thank you! Bye! --OVER-- I hope you read it at the speed of light because that's typically how fast they go....See.... right there is where the girl psyche makes no sense to me.

There is the mutual disappointment. You both know that nothing is going beyond this and you are both like...psh....see ya in the eternities, maybe. Usually on the first date.

I pretty much want to come up with creative solutions to remedy the situation. Maybe dropping a girl of at her window. Or giving her a ladder to get to her balcony. I actually really like the idea of having small cups of ice cream waiting at the door when your date it over...so you can talk while enjoying a tastey frozen treat.

I say all this in good comedy, because it's just funny. That's all. Just funny things.