So...maybe I should blog.

I feel the need to do something. Blogging seems right. Going into summer I feel like things are already starting to happen. It's craziness. I have a blog post all written up, but it seems a bit untimely.

So I wrote another.

I'm also thinking about how weak I am sometimes. I guess in both mental and physical ways. Mental because I'm susceptible to all the things other people are. Even being an RM and active in the Church. It's lame. No one is ever granted immunity. I don't even think on the other side you are. God became God because continuous correct choices. Boy oh boy, I wish I could get there. Maybe that's why He's really happy. Or has the potential to be really happy, when his children aren't being knuckle heads. And with that, we make a full circle back to me. I'm the knucklehead. And when you look at it that way, it seems more and more impossible to get there. Luckily, we have the Atonement of Christ the Lord that makes any of this possible.

Have you ever wondered what Heaven looks like....or even pre-heaven...which is the post mortal spirit world? I am right now. haha I thought to myself, I bet there are trees, but why? We don't need to breath after this life....there is no death....

These are the thoughts that come when you serve a mission. You kinda move past some of the basics as Paul says "not laying again the foundation", but building on it.

When I was first converted to the church, I really loved the teachings of Joseph Smith. With that said...being converted to knowing the restoration is real, doesn't necessarily give you a testimony of God the Father and Jesus, His Beloved Son.

But you are on the right track.

I was bagging pennied carrots yesterday thinking about all of this. Where my testimony has come since before my mission. It's remarkable the shift from Joseph the Prophet to Heavenly Father and His plan. I wish I could remember the key elements of the switch. I know one conglomerate for sure.

All the Pastors.

It's funny. I don't think they ever argued, that much anyways, the need for a prophet like Moses (however every time Israel is gathered He put someone at the head), but they really knocked into our teachings of Christ. You are saved this and you don't have to do that, Paul this and Paul said that....I mean whatever....Have a productive life, pretty sure if you do nothing you aren't going to be so saved as you thought. Since then, my testimony has switched. I remember countless people who, were I not on a mission, I would have never talked to. It taught me something.

Love for everyone.

I remember meeting people, who were a little crazy, who had crazy ideas, who weren't all there, who lived unhealthy lives, who might not even be able to walk or talk, etc...yet...both them and I were trying to live life. Trying to get by. What was amazing to me is how conscious they were of what they were doing that was damaging to their spirits...whether or not the realized it.

And their faces looked the same way my face looked when I fell short.

So I could never judge anyone. Who am I to do that, who lives in the same world, who struggles with the same or similar things.

I couldn't.

That's where things started to deepen. The need for an Atonement. The universality of the Atonement and the absolute need for a perfect person to do it. As well, the great that will continue to work, here and hereafter. There are somethings I still don't comprehend, but more than ever, since the mission,

I feel Heavenly Father's love.

End of semester wrap-up 4.0.

I can't even believe its that time again. It's nuts. Absolutely, nuts. This semester has gone by so fast that I don't even know what my grades are going to be like. I can't really begin to describe this semester.

This was one of the biggest ones of my life. Winter break I made one of the hardest decisions I have ever made. It almost crushed me. Still recovering some days, but for the most part I'm good. I don't really know what the Lord has planned for me in the coming months and years. I try not to think about it and just make short term goals and try to achieve them.

I'm a senior, says BYU. Well. I have two years left. I'm sure something is down the pipeline in those two years. I'm excited for the summer. I have some plans finally. Trying to get my portfolio to look the way I want it to is the biggest one. I'm doing ok with it. It just needs more and more refinement.

I had a goal to read the Hunger Games. Basically, because I can't wait for the next movie to know what happens. That would suck. Its going to be like 4 year minimum.

A big thing that has hit me this semester is that I have a lot to learn. It's as if God is telling me He's in control and that the knowledge I have is nothing, compare to the infinite wisdom He has. I have recognized my complete dependence on Him and also the Atonement of Christ.

I brushed shoulders with Heaven this semester. I feel like, anyway. There have been times when I feel like I can say the Spirit has been strong enough that, I feel like, not much is stopping the Heavens from just opening. Haha...of course I don't know that for sure...but I surely think it.

Suddenly, I want a twix peanut butter candy bar.

Really, there are just some things I feel very strongly about learning. The gospel in my family is huge. I just want to understand the exact importance of having the Gospel in the home. While I think I know it sometimes, I don't always have a grasp on it.

General Conference has been sick. It's kinda been the fuel that sends me into the summer.

This semester, and I guess every semester, has had its own set of challenges. Some pretty trivial. Some more trivial. Some not very trivial at all. Funny. It's the trivial ones that bother me the most. Wonder why that is. I've sort of adapted the writing style of the Hunger Games. Just putting my thoughts down in present tense and not really worrying about syntax.

I need to keep praying for charity. Dang. Sometimes I want to just go nuts on people. Absolutely nuts. And can you blame me? I feel like some people deserve it. But then I think, let him who is without sin cast the first stone.......then I think...that story isn't in the orignal gospels, thanks to my new testament class my first semester.

So it's the same story. I can feel graduation upon me. Like. Literally, I already know that I'm about to graduate and make real money.

I dunno what else I'm thinking. My mind is pretty confused. Everyone talks about enduring to the end. I guess this is what my life has become. A big long thought on endurance, which is cool.

"Get busy living, or get busy dying." - Shaw Shank Redemption. Thats dang right...<---adapted quote from Shaw Shank Redemption, because I don't swear. I've learned to at least enjoy life a little this semester. If thats what I pull away, then cool I guess. But also not cool. I learned that lesson too late. Maybe not, I guess...I guess I don't know that for sure.

I would love to help people understand what matters most. Like ice-cream cake in my freezer. I would also enjoy hanging out with a certain girl...who is being a terd ferguson about it. Straight up. Like...dang. But I feel like I'm in prison because there is nothing I can do about it. haha I can't believe sometimes how rough things are here in a place where I thought everything would be so easy. It's harder than my mission. It's harder than anything else. But I just keep going, even though the urge to punch the wall comes up every once and a while.

I'm too chicken to punch a wall. I've seen how they are made...and with my luck I'd hit a stud. And, since no one carries a stud finder, no wall punching for me. Not to mention the amount of money I'd get charged by the complex.

Ah whats this? Pizza with Bacon? Joy...thanks roommate who I won't name in this blog.

We might end up going to the Grand Canyon this summer. San Fran is probably out, sky diving is probably in for $100 bucks in St. George, but San Fran is more than likely out because I like money. And I like having enough to pay my rent. Shelter is pretty neat as well. Shields me from the elements....etc.... running water is cool too. Just making sure my essentials are met and not spent on a trip to the bay city...though...it would be tight. Also...whats the point of going somewhere when you dont have any girls to go with?.......there is none. I would also like to own a bike.

So yeah. I'm in living in the 105 another year. May be the last one. We don't know. I can't imgaine BYU without my boys. Fubu is a Tubu. But I don't care. Maybe it will return to its old glory soon.

Man...Two years down. Don't know what else to say really.

Mom is almost done with chemo. She's fine. Dad and her are like inseperable. Bout time. Us boys needed to get out of the house so they could finally get all the quality time they deserve. Other than that.........just doing my thing. Trying to have fun doing it. My tenure at the Temple is up....I'll miss those guys...especially Stoney and Bro Evans...not the leader guy....the other one.

Summer 2012....the last one before the end of the world. Didn't they disprove that? Like it should've happened six months ago because the Mayans didn't account for the leap year we threw in a long time ago? haha....so much for that. Irony.

Also...the hunger games series is dang sweet. Get on it if you haven't. Hollar.

I'm back....

Guess who's back (back back back)....back again(gaingaingain) shady's back. I feel energized. I have a new flanel shirt that'll be wearing tomorrow. I won a freaking pound of candy out of nowhere. How sweet is that? It's pretty sweet. That's the answer.

I mean...I feel great. I'm getting better and better everyday. I'm starting to be more and more excited for the future. I keep loving things that happen. Summer is going to be sick.

It's been called the summer of self-improvement. I believe it.

We started jogging. All 4 of us. I lead the pack and we go where ever. We've found some of Provo's hidden gems. And I just feel strong right now, like I could take anyone down and run forever. It's nice.

I have a goal to be tan this summer. I mean, why not? We are all just trying to be buff and do good things. So...yeah if you see us running on the back roads and I'm shirtless like a beast...yeah...just know thats my goal. Not to look like a tool......and like...maybe don't laugh because I have like a year and a half or more of no tan coming at ya.

We realized something recently. We are boring, but now...we just roll it. At least I came to the conclusion that I need to change. I can't speak for the whole apartment.

I'm going to back to breaking. There are a couple moves that I must get down before I hang up my breakdance shoes.

We are going to San Fransico. We are trying to get a lot of people from the ward to go and make it a sweet road trip. We aren't doing so well in finding people, but we are hopeful.

I don't really know what else, but I want to get stronger. I do know that I'll have a lot time to do whatever I want. Which will be great. It might be my last summer for stuff like that. Actually, it probably definitely is. That's sad. So its time to live out all life goals possible. Wanna join? C'mon the more the merrier.

Well so. What else? Um...dunno. I had some cool thoughts today. I forgot them though. Sometimes I get good thoughts then I see or hear something that I don't like and the good thoughts poof so fast its crazy.

So I also want my testimony to be known. Joseph Smith, next to Isaiah, is the prophet of the restoration. It's just that...it's so real. So true. My testimony burns brighter than it has in a little while. There is a plan for salvation and obedience to the laws and ordinances of the gospel grants that. I was grateful to use my priesthood last weekend. It's not everyday you get to do that. I'm grateful for those oppurtunities. I guess, I'm always suppose to represent the priesthood soooooooo a good word goes a long way, service goes a long way as well. Charity, I like praying for that. and I'm grateful when God hears my prayer for charity.

School is almost coming to a close. I got some pretty sweet assignments. I got some pretty rough things coming up. A full portfolio is going to be due soon. I have very little done. I'm about to be a junior. I got to do some projects over the summer. Just make things. Who knows what. I'm not all certain about the futurity of my life. I do know that my lower back is killing probably because I've been sleeping on the couch. Freak. That's getting lame. I ate dinner with my future family today. At the least the Mom and the sister. I'm going to have a sister. That's pretty cool. Never had one before. Maybe it'll teach me how to be a better guy. I got my pound of chocolate. That was legitimate.

I'm grateful for my family out here. The ID kids, my bro, my roommates and my fhe fam. In no particular order. Well...maybe Joe. It's funny. Every semester seems to have its own unique things happen. Joe and Katelin. Gaining strength. Etc. My roommate coming back. I love that guy. Never met a much better person...except for For Serial Green maybe. haha :)

Also....a little more. I've noticed, and I don't know how this happens, but...sometimes one of my sideburns is longer than the other. How does that even happen? I also wonder how long it is that way. Shoot. And I fix it...just sometimes it sneaks up on me. It's happened throughout my life numerous times...I look in the mirror and kinda do theside to side head movement, like somethings off.

The Joe Blog:.:My Favorite Post

So I decided to write a post about my brother. It got me pumped to think about writing a blog about someone who I have looked up to my whole life.

So Joe and I have had some great times. We grew up playing video games for sure. It would usually be me watching Joe play. I would always talk like I knew what the best games were, as if I played them. Then Joe would actually play them and beat them. He beat Castlevania 3 without dying. How is that even possible at 10 years old? Genius, probably. We conquered GoldenEye, Quarter Back Club 98, Hang Time, Jackle, Halo (all like, 8), Modern Warfare etc. He also really liked Resident Evil.......I never really got that one. Also, want to see something spectacular? Ask Joe to play Star Fox FX on Super Nintendo...its Luna Lovegood how good he is.

He was always smarter. He took harder classes. I took the minimal to get the advanced degree. It seems to me like I never saw him in school, ever. He was two years older. He got picked on sometimes. I hated that. I remember seeing it happen once in middle school. So lame. Those kids had no idea. They were considered the popular kids, but what did they know? Some challenges are hard...but I can never imagine getting picked on in school. (However, Joe has a great life and well...the gospel...) He did befriend one of them, Chandler, who really helped all that. Those two are hilarious together.

I never got much of that. Joe and I hardly ever made the basketball team. Haha...we laugh about it now. I remember some of those kids coming out with us to play at the church and we smoked them. Haha. Joe played one year of football. I'll never forget him catching a pass that he tipped to homself. I was stoked.

Also...Joe always surprised me. Like...the Star Fox thing...but...it seems like one day, out of nowhere, Joe was just amazing at baseball. Yeah, he led the little league in home runs one year. He hit one so far out of the park that the only thing that stopped the ball was the tree it hit. It was a shot. I'll never forget it just lifting off...and just going up and up until my lame sauce eyes couldn't see it anymore. Most of the time, he wouldn't make it on the All-Star team, because the players picked the team and they didn't pick him, but the coaches would call him. He was just that good.

Anyway. Joe was always stronger too. We fought with our fists I think twice. I learned pretty fast. I always thought I could take him in a heart beat. Basically, I thought....well I act tough (I was always acting like the tough guy) I should actually be tough right? Wrong! Joe once threw me over his back. I came at him again...and he did the same move again and threw me over his back. I'll never forget that. I had no chance. I remember, because he had just made the JV basketball team and was doing basketball workouts. Naturally, he was stronger than me, because I worked out..........never?... Sounds right. (EXCEPT in later years!!! I'm stronger now...sheesh...) I also once tried to punch Joe...he just pushed me down and held me down. Embarassing.

Joe is the first missionary in either side of the family. I honestly believe that if it wasn't for him going I probably wouldn't have gone either. It's funny. My parents and I knew so little about Joe's plans. Essentially, he just came home one day and was like, "Got my mission call. I'm going to Salt Lake." I remember laying on the couch...poking my head up and saying......what?......He did it all with so little knowledge to us, especially me. We talked...just not much as we should. All I remember is, Joe, Institute, and some girl. I was a bit preoccupied with my band and working, buying a huge drum set and probably some girl that I worked with.

Joe will soon be the first to get married. That's just crazy. It's nice to finally see that. Joe has been through a lot to get there. He's counciled me a lot about it all. He was telling me about a conversation he had with his roommate because he had just left a relationship. He asked my brother how it felt, what it was like to have someone, and how it worked. Joe just said that they put up with eachothers differences. That he, the roommate, needed to learn to be ok with the differences and struggles. And don't mind them. He also said that it's not what's similar that his fiance and himself have to deal with, its the differences. My Mom said something similar not too long ago. But I feel Joe has been that way for a while. He's such a loving guy. He would have probably married the first girl he dated.

That doesn't sum it up...but it's brief on one of the most stellar people in my life. I could keep writing too. It suffices me to say, though, that he's been nothing short of a great brother.

Generic Blog Post.

I need an outlet for my thoughts and feelings. Journaling just doesn't seem to do it. Maybe its because its on paper, maybe its because it could burn in a fire...who knows. I'm mid-semester of my Sophmore year at BYU. I never thought college would be so hard. I actually never thought anything would be harder than my mission. Well...surprise! It's terribly harder. It started out being a piece of cake. It started out being fun. Then things got complicated. One choice lead to another and then bam...here we are today.

Its kinda stinky that I try to find things to blame it all on. Essentially...I've chosen everything based on the people in my life. And when there is a fork there is always a harder decision. Sometimes I blame bad choices on girls (which I have made a score of them based on that) , but more recently, my major. I was talking to a girl in my class and I told her, "You know...most people just think I'm lame. But most people don't get it. This school and this major actaully does take up most of my life and if it doesn't its because I'm not putting in enough effort. It's not that I don't want to be doing other things, its just that this is consuming." She agreed and added, "Most people think 'well, yeah right, its not that bad, you can find time' ", but it literally is, I literally could, but shouldn't.

As I'm moving to my Junior year, I think back to how much has been ripped from me because of this major. I'm hoping it all becomes worth it. One of my best friends said, "School work should be HOT to a girl." Maybe... Maybe its the girl's mixed up priorities. Like...dang. But I like what I do. And perhaps thats not the only reason (I am near sighted. I am a designer. I do write in all caps. I haven't cut my toe nails in a little bit. My hair cut hasn't changed. Sometimes I wear mismatched socks. Occasionally I rewear dirty clothes. Like.... I littered once. ) ...but....

It does add up.

It does take its toll.

Do I feel lame? Yes.

I mean I've been in kinda a rut for some time now. And everytime I think I'm going to get some kind of relief, blam! Suck on this! It's the worst.

What more can I do? I served a mission. I was intense. I'm active...but I don't really have a church calling. I have 100% hometeaching and I try to serve them as much as possible. Like...yeah...I dont have a lot of friends... Most nights I sit at home with my roommates. We talk.... I'm not even good at thinking of stuff to do anymore. I mean, if anyone has some advice lay it down. Shoot me a message. I'm pretty certain there isn't much more I can do. Self-confidence is at an all time low.

Am I being over dramatic? At this point in my life I feel like I can have my Liberty Jail moment. It's almost a right. Where I can cry out, O God where art thou? Where is the pavilion that covers thine hiding place? It's at this moment where I feel like I can say...yeah...maybe I'm not like Job yet...but still Im in a bad spot. I'm tired of hearing the same ol' story. I'm tired of hearing I'll be ok. I'm done with it.

I just want to be ok.

*sigh* and I'm wasn't going to say it...but I feel I'm well within my rights haha... but I miss my best friend.........

A certain person when I first got to BYU...haha actually two people, said something to effect of....like not waiting to say things...and not beating around the bush. They are two of my favorite blog followers.

Summer Vacation is approaching....and thats something. Maybe I'll intern...or sit on my butt all summer and kick it with my boys. Welp so my blog is still doing alright despite my lack of posts...Surprisingly my dating tips blog is still getting hits....haha I did that in June last year. Dang...way to be...way to be.....

End of semester wrap-up 2.

You know what I don't like?

Why do people think that in order to have a good picture you have to over expose the shot? It looks really bad. Who wants a picture where all you can see is eyes, hair and a lip line? I guess there is a background........ But do you know what I'm talking about?

Wanna-be Utah photographers. They pick up a camera, like a Canon Rebel, they don't know what the heck is going on with it, slap it on auto and start clicking away. Better yet, they slap on some random random manuel settings. But you know, whatever floats your boat. <---CLICHE--- Then they throw it through photoshop and smash some funky filter on it. Yuck.

What else annoys me...I just have some pet peeves...I can't sit in a silent room while someone eats cereal.

You can't leave milk out.

Anywho....

Well, this semester was...interesting. I went on a record number of dates. I don't know too many weeks when I wasn't on one. Also...record number of heart breaks. haha Guess that comes with the territory. I think I might be stepping down though from the dating scene for the rest of the semester. We'll see.

The new ward is ok. I say that because some people I see, probably, feel like they don't have a group of friends. That's totally sad. One of my roommates is getting married and that's pretty special. I've had the priviledge of watching that relationship blossom from a friendship to courtship to eternal relationship built on trust. They are way in love. I think they are starting to act like eachother. haha Cute.

He sold his contract, hope we don't get some goofus.  I can't handle that.

I think I got my first A in a gen ed at BYU. Pysch 111. Shoot dang and it only took three semesters.

I've designed a lot of good stuff. Not to mention read some crazy stuff about mythilogical language and origins of cultures. Whack.

I've lost slightly more money than I've gained...by slightly I mean...kinda a sizeable chunk. Ugh.

My hands are drying out...lame dry Utah.

Love my fhe group. haha We have gotten somewhat close.

Holidays.

Halloween. Decent...N'Sync performance....best in show.

Thanksgiving...better than best. Just so good. I mean MVP turkey bowl performance, 18lb turkey, 50+ potatoes, etc, Nickel City, Bow and Arrow, shooting things haha.... shooting people. Does not get any better.

Christmas...I kinda don't want to talk about it. So much I want to do...but...yeah...probably not going to happen. Blah...

Mom and Dad are doing great...Mom's birthday is soon. She's a saint. It's been a hard year. I can't wait to see her.

*sigh* not as much hype this semester. There have been good times, but it feels like we are more settled or something. Not even as much basketball. Meh. That's all I think...I might post stuff as I think of it too.

Soquids.

Listen. Liquid marshmellow is neither solid nor liquid. Therefore it is a soquid. It's pretty much a fact.

If you turn your shirt inside out and wear it...does the back become the front?

I think so.

I wish my roommates were here to bounce ideas off of. Usually I come up with some really good stuff. So. Here I am, mid to late semeseter. What have I learned?

Of course, I always tell it how it is so I'm just going to say it. I understand that guys have to give some effort to catch girls, but some things are just out of control. I've invented a word for it.

Background: So I have a phrase that I got from the "Fails of the week" people. (If you want to know who they are talk to me.) The phrase is "Broing out".

Broing Out - (v.) when two males are seen together talking about or gesturing manly things and just being overall manly for manlinesses sake

Bro Date - (n.) Broing out on the town.

Stupid - (adj.) See above. (It could also be written Stupid - synonym - Bro Date. As well, Sad = Bro Date)

That's wildly off topic, but we are working up to things.

Wing Man - a guy who helps another guy attain to a conversational with a female(s); a male who assists another male in looking way cool when in conversational with a female(s); male A who goes with male B on a group date and A assists B in establishing foundationals with said female(s).

Wing man/men are way good for stuff. I don't know what stuff just you know...any type' stuff.

Ok. New word...and therefore new definition.

Tooling Out (v.) - Recreational activities that involve guys doing lame things just to talk to girl(s), nearly stalking them.

I see this everywhere. I don't know. I'm okay with it. I find it rather odd and off-put doing things that are border line stalking just to talk to a girl. I mean...stalking is weird right? Maybe and maybe not...as we say in InDes any concept is ok if you do it right. So go big or go home. Sometimes. Refer to the dating tips, the disclaimer. Feeeeel it out. Haha oh boy............well.... I feel like this is an awkward point in this blog so.......

TOPIC SWITCH...I do this in my blogs a lot. Maybe one day I will write a blog about how I write blogs. Saying this could exist on a continum. A blog about how I write blogs about how I write blogs, which is a blog in which I analyze my analyzing of my blog writing. Score!

Apartment Random Definitions -

Mud-Blooding It - haha it's when you mess something up or play terrible basketball.

Take it light - My personal favorite. It's like saying take it easy, but obviously cooler obviously (Scott Pilgrim reference).

So that's that's that. Really though, these phrases are mostly used for comic releif <---i before e mispelling. Like, we say new and crazy stuff all the time. It's part of our apartments goal to be masters of the metaphor. Also, we feel it to be a great skill to be able to dictate our feelings at any given time, but not only that, we want to be able to say it in three different ways. You know, tell you it thrice times hence. Perhaps, even articulate our vernacular in the third variability.